Anxious Attachment and Curry Barker’s “Obsession”
Content and Spoiler Warning: This post will contain very minor spoilers for the film “Obsession” directed by Curry Barker. Nothing beyond what is already in the trailer. The film being discussed is a horror film, if you wish to watch “Obsession” be warned that it is psychologically disturbing and features one scene of intense gore. It is also brilliant.
I recently had the distinct pleasure of spending an extremely disturbing afternoon at the movies watching the new hit horror film “Obsession,” directed by Curry Barker. I love the genre of horror, as the genre tends to function as a metaphor for our individual or societal anxieties. From the slasher films of the 80’s highlighting the societal anxiety of teenage behavior, to “The Babadook” as a metaphor for post-partum depression, there is often a profound richness in the genre despite the often somewhat trashy nature of some of the films.
This brings us to “Obsession”, which has taken audiences by storm over the last month. “Obsession” tells the story of Bear Bailey, who has an unrequited longstanding crush on his friend Nikki Freeman, portrayed by Inde Navarette, in a true tour de force performance. When in a knick-knack shop, Bear buys a “one wish willow,” a seemingly gag toy that claims it will grant exactly one wish to the person who utilizes it. Bear, not actually believing the toy to be real, wishes for Nikki to “love him more than anything in the world.” As is the case with horror, the toy is truly magic, and Nikki’s consciousness is replaced by an entity of some sort that does in fact love Bear more than anything in the world. The entity inhabiting Nikki’s body becomes increasingly erratic, obsessive, desperate, and violent. Upon leaving the theater I joked to a friend “If I was Bear I simply would have demonstrated secure attachment to the “Entity Nikki” and she would have learned secure attachment. This made me suddenly realize that “Obsession”, perhaps unintentionally, is one of the most fascinating and literal depictions of anxious attachment in film history.
Before continuing, I should explain what attachment styles are. Attachment styles are based on the psychodynamic conceptualization of the human self, and they are essentially an explainer for why people act the way they do in romantic, familial, and social relationships. Attachment styles develop over time, and are based on our early attachment figures, typically our parents. There are three main attachment styles. An anxiously attached person is someone who needs constant affirmation, attention, or reminders that they are loved, liked, or otherwise supported. An avoidantly attached person is someone who avoids getting close to people and is often uncomfortable sharing intimate details due to a lack of trust. A securely attached person is someone who feels secure in most relationships and is willing to share and open up to others. There is a fourth attachment style, disorganized, which presents as a mix of all three. They can develop in many ways; an example would be a child of parents who neglected them might develop an anxious attachment style because they are constantly seeking the affirmation they never got. They also might feel the need to constantly prove they care and are cared for. It should be noted that my definitions above are a gross oversimplification. Attachment styles are layered, complex, and most importantly they are fluid and changeable.
Attachment styles as a mode of self-analysis are currently very in vogue. The book “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel S. Heller has mainlined the concept, and now it is all over social media and everyone is self-proclaiming that they are anxious attached or avoidantly attached and then rattling off (often incorrectly) what exactly that means. There is a problematic element to this, which exists in a lot of therapy adjacent social media, in that people are treating their attachment style as an intrinsic and static part of themselves. So often someone will say something like “I am an anxiously attached person which means in relationships what I need is…” and it is then followed by a long laundry list of rules and or “boundaries” that partners must abide by in order for them to feel secure. This is, in my opinion, not a recipe for a healthy relationship. In this scenario, you are allowing your anxious-attachment to control you as opposed to working towards becoming secure. The “rules” and “boundaries” often become a self-reinforcing cocoon that cements a moderate level of dysfunction under the guise of improving one’s mental health.
This brings me back to “Obsession” and why I think it is so useful for understanding anxious attachment. To be clear, the film isn’t really about this. It is primarily about male entitlement and bodily autonomy. It is the story of a man who, somewhat inadvertently, hi-jacks the body of someone he is attracted to for his own benefit. It is also worth noting here that, in the realm of the film, Nikki’s behavior is not intrinsic to her and is not her fault, as Bear’s wish has stolen her autonomy. On that note, I would also posit that our attachment styles in real life are the same way. While they are not the result of a magic totem, they developed before we really had our bodily autonomy. They develop as a result of our upbringing, and while they are not our fault, we do have the responsibility to work on them if we want healthy relationships.
Back to the film, Nikki, or rather, Entity Nikki can only understand love as a form of constant affirmation and obsession. She builds out endless rules for Bear that become progressively more extreme. She does not want him to go out of the house without her, she needs him to constantly affirm and demonstrate her love, and despite his repeated attempts to reinforce this, her behavior only calcifies and deepens. Again, while this is not her fault in any sense of the word, it is a strong depiction of how creating all sorts of rules to satiate our anxious feelings does not actually resolve them, it deepens them and makes them more extreme and can drive loved ones away.
Of course, as I have hopefully made great pains to make clear, what is so unnerving about “Obsession” is that Nikki’s actions are not really her own. They are the fault of a supposed friend who ends up using her for his own selfish reasons. This is what the film is really about, but the depiction of the potentially destructive nature of severe anxious attachment is a fascinating side analysis. And here is the good news, if you are anxiously attached, you can have healthy and fulfilling relationships even if you never get to the point of becoming fully securely attached. Rules and boundaries are a coping mechanism that can be helpful, but they are best integrated with therapy and self-reflection so as to work on becoming more secure as opposed to allowing that anxiety to dictate your relationships.
